Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
