people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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