I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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