Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
