it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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