Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
