I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
