We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
