But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
