You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
