I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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