By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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