do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
