Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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