are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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