That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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