found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
