Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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