dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
