I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
