After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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