my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
