I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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