Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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