I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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