Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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