Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
