I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
