remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
