Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
