The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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