I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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