You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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