Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
