Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
