i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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