Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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