So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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