??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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