Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
