I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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