someone get that fucking seahorse.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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