I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My pussy is not your playground.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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