My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
