Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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