I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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