my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
