the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
