That's intense
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
