Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Green mimosas i think yes
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
