The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
