she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
