someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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