idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
