found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
