I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize