her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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