The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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