I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
