just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
