All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
