His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
God, I missed his penis.
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