I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
