we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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