i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize