I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
