im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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