he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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