i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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