Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I need moral support for this bender
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
