the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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