I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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