just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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