Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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